


Guide You Home

by moonbunny31



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Case Fic, Community: spn_reversebang, Gen, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-10
Updated: 2014-02-10
Packaged: 2018-01-11 20:56:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1177837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonbunny31/pseuds/moonbunny31
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam goes on a solo hunt. Sorta. Dean is less than pleased that Sam is somewhere alone with Zeke. When Dean finds him Sam has lost his memory. Now Dean has to remind Sam who he is and find a way to get the stubborn angel out.</p>
<p>Set during Season 9.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Guide You Home

**Author's Note:**

> For the 2013 SPN Reverse Big Bag.
> 
> Much love to my artist for being so patient with me as this was my first big bang. Thanks for making this an awesome experience! Check out the artwork! http://kidezt.livejournal.com/9557.html 
> 
> Also, big thanks to my beta delightenme for giving me a big hand!

Guide You Home

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

I.

Dean was never letting Sam out of his sight again. He didn’t care what Zeke, the silent partner, thought about it. He’d handcuff Sam to his belt loop and have his larger little brother trail after him like he used to when he was a smaller little brother. It’d look a little weird and maybe a lot creepy but Dean found he really couldn’t care less what people and non-people thought. His brother was apparently five years old who couldn’t follow simple instructions.

Stay in the bunker. How hard could that be? There was a fully stocked kitchen. There were more than enough of geeky books to geek out on. There was the Wi-Fi with the suspiciously strong signal. Somewhere to sleep and somewhere to take a piss. What else did he need for a few days?

 

They had gotten a call from Garth about a possible hunt not too far away. It sounded quick and simple and Dean didn’t see, at the time, the need to drag Sam plus one on the trip. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Sam. Of course he did, but he wanted to keep Sam’s secret friend on lockdown until the tailgating angel was ready to take a hike. 

Sam had wanted to go with him and the whole ‘recovering from the trials’ excuse was starting to wear thin. “I know what I’m doing, Dean. The trials didn’t wipe my memory or turn me into a child. Hell, from what I can tell they didn’t have any lasting effect.” Dean had to actually bite his tongue at that, remembering too clearly how he sat by his baby brother’s bedside, praying for a miracle as the doctors talked about the damage that was found in their tests. Sam didn’t remember and there was no need to bring it up. Frankly, Dean didn’t want to remember either. “Do you really think I’ll mess it up?”

“What? God, no.” Dean rubbed the back of his neck. He was running out of ‘reasons’ for Sam not to do something. They needed to get Zeke out as soon as possible. Sooner would be preferable. “I just think it would be best if you stayed here. Keep an eye on the place. Make sure we don’t get any emergency calls or whatever. If it’s quiet and you happen to get some shut eye that’s cool, you know?”

Judging by Sam’s face and the way he crossed his arms, Dean didn’t think he had convinced his brother yet. “Look, it’s a simple enough job. It doesn’t require two people and you can continue making that list on what books we got here.”

“It’s called cataloging.” 

“Whatever. If something funky goes down I’ll call you right away and you can rescue this damsel from the dragon.”

“It’s dragons? Dude, I’m definitely coming with you.”

“No! It’s not dragons. Just,” Dean snatched up his duffel and headed for the stairs. “Stay in the bunker. I’ll be home before you know it.”

 

Okay, so it was taking a little longer than he anticipated to wrap up the case. These things happened and he did call Sam to let him know that everything was fine but he would need a couple more days. Sam wasn’t happy about it but that didn’t mean he could just run off on his own thing without discussing it with Dean first. Voicemails didn’t count; if Dean couldn’t argue against it then it was practically like giving Dean the middle finger. Especially voicemails that didn’t give exact details where he was going to be. ‘Close by’, his ass.

He rushed through the last bit of the case and had to give himself a couple of stitches in his shoulder for it. That meant he had only one fully functioning arm to kick some ass if need be. It was more than he would need. If Sam needed some sense knocked into him Dean might wait until Zeke was gone to do it. If he was lucky. 

Zeke had been helpful, sure, healing and angel intel and all that, but Dean still trusted him as far as he could throw him, which was not at all. One: angel. Two: angel currently borrowing his still healing brother. He didn’t like the idea of something he didn’t know being the only thing watching Sam’s back. Cas might’ve vouched for the guy but that didn’t give him an all access pass.

Dean took a sharp turn onto the hidden road leading to the bunker. By the time he was in front of the bunker door his seatbelt was undone and he was throwing the Impala’s door open.

“Sam! You better be here!” It had been about a day since he got that message but he was hoping Sam hadn’t left the bunker yet. Maybe he had some research he had to do first. Sam liked his research. He liked to be prepared. It was completely possible that he was still preparing for whatever case he felt couldn’t wait for Dean to come back for.  


There was no sign of his brother. He even went so far as to ask Crowley for any information, but he was not very helpful. The trapped King of Hell sneered. “What do I look like, his bloody secretary? How hard can it be to find a moose? He can’t be very inconspicuous.” Sam could be stealthy if he wanted to be but that was beside the point. “You’re a hunter, aren’t you? Hunt him down.”

II.

He went by the name Hunter. He was found stumbling out of the surrounding woods that was used frequently by deer hunters. When the elderly couple who took him in, Will and Dot Avianell, suggested the name he felt it was appropriate.

When they found him, he couldn’t remember a thing about himself. He was oddly calm about it. Even the people who found him commented on how he should be more freaked out. They wanted him to see a doctor but he declined. Something told him that it would be a bad idea. In any case, losing his memory seemed like something that had happened to him before and there was no reason to get worked up. That thought concerned him a bit but he figured the best thing to do was figure out who he was by himself.

For some reason he only had the clothes on his back. He had a wallet but there was only a bit a cash in it. There wasn’t any identification, insurance or credit cards. He didn’t even have a phone. Who didn’t carry a phone with them?

He figured the first step was to check out the woods he walked out of. He backtracked through the path he originally came out of. Nothing seemed amiss although he wasn’t sure what he should have been looking for. He crouched next to trees to inspect the roots, any disturbed earth or leaves. What was he supposed to look for? How was he supposed to know if he found anything if he saw it? Nothing seemed to make sense. He decided to go back to the Avianell house to think of a better strategy. 

Dot was making lunch when he got back. She smiled when she saw him. “Hunter, how did it go? Did you find anything?” She pulled a chair out and patted the table. “Sit and talk to me.” 

Hunter learned quickly, courtesy of Will, that Dot was not a woman you ignored. He sat down and she put a plate in front of him before sitting down next to him. “I couldn’t find anything out there. I thought I could find, I don’t know, a clue or something. How did I get in the woods in the first place? Where did I come from? How did I lose my memory?”

“Eat. An empty stomach won’t help.” Dot and Will never had children but Hunter thought that Dot would have been an awesome mother. He picked up the sandwich and took a bite. “Now, from what I can tell,” she continued once she was sure he was following her instructions, “you’re not from around here. Nobody in town recognizes you but that doesn’t mean you give up, understand?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“No, no guessing. You’ll figure it out. It’s not like you fell from the sky or anything.” She smiled and Hunter returned it but a funny feeling settled in his stomach. “You’re going to be fine. If nothing else you’ll build a nice new life right here.”

He didn’t know why but Hunter felt he was meant for something more than a quiet life in a small town, no matter how good that sounded. He didn’t say that. It sounded really ungrateful and this couple had been nothing but gracious and generous. “Thank you again, Mrs. Avianell. I don’t know what I would have done without you guys.”

“It’s Dot, please. And it’s nothing, dear. You’ve been a big help around the place. Will isn’t as strong or as handy as he used to be. Just don’t tell him I said that.” 

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Hunter laughed. “Well, I may not remember my name but at least I seem to remember some things, like fixing stuff.”

“There you go. You’ve got something to build on.” Dot picked up his plate once she was satisfied he ate all of it. “You want some pie?”

“Yeah.” Hunter felt something, something that felt like longing and regret. “Yeah, that sounds great.”

III.

“Yeah, well, thanks for nothing.” It was official. Garth hadn’t sent Sam on some wayward hunt. In fact, although Garth knew nothing of the Zeke issue, he seemed surprised that Dean would let Sam go on a hunt by himself. Dean calmly informed Garth that he didn’t let Sam do anything and then he politely suggested that it was because Garth sent him on a dumb hunt that a child could do. Even, Dean lightly joked, Garth could have done it. If Sam was overhearing the conversation he would have given Dean the stink eye. But Sam wasn’t there, and that was the problem.

It was a hunt; that, Dean was sure of. He played the voicemail again. 

“Hey, Dean. I know you told me to stay in the bunker until you got back but something that might be a case popped up. Some people have gone missing. It doesn’t sound too serious but you never know, right? It could be our thing. It’s pretty close by and I’ll call you when I know more. I’m fine so quit freaking out.”

Dean snapped his phone shut. “I’ll freak out as much as want to. Don’t tell me not to freak out.” 

Sam said he would call again when he got more information about the case but it had been over a day since he first called and Dean hadn’t heard anything else. He let out a breath and thought about the voicemail again. He had thought he heard a noise in the background. He listened to it again to be sure. It was there. 

A soft little tap. Sam was only soft about books and his laptop. He must have found the case on the internet. Which meant he was looking for a case. Unless he got emails when weird news stories cropped up (Was that a thing? It would be cool), Sam was due to get his ass handed to him.

The term ‘close by’ was more of a clue. Their version of close by was different from other people’s. Most people meant within walking distance or a mile or two. The Winchester definition meant a day or two of driving. Sam had to have gotten a car somehow. 

There were cars in the garage but those were antiques. Dean hadn’t gotten around checking them yet but he was pretty sure they still ran. In any case Sam wouldn’t have taken one of those. He must have hot-wired one in town. From there he would have stopped at a gas station to fill up on gas, snacks and maps.

The first gas station was a bust. Sam was pretty memorable due to his size and the ‘I really want to know your life story’ vibe he usually gave off, but the clerk didn’t remember anyone matching Sam’s description. The second one was the one that did the trick. The guy behind the counter didn’t know who he was talking about but the girl who was clocking in did.

“I was working that afternoon. I got called in because Billy didn’t show up.” Both the girl and the guy rolled their eyes and Dean got the impression that Billy didn’t show up a lot. “I remember who you’re talking about. He was real tall and, uh, well…” She glanced away, blushing. Jesus.

“Jesus, Marie.”

“Whatever, Anton. We’re dating but I still got eyes. Anyway, you’d agree,” she said. Anton hmmed and nodded. Marie turned back to Dean. “He was really polite. Nice, too. A couple of guys came in and wouldn’t leave, kept staring at me. It made me nervous.” Anton shot her look that Dean recognized as ‘we’re going to have a talk later’. Dean usually got it from Sam and he’d ignore it. Marie did the same. “Your friend glared at them, acted like he was grabbing something just past their shoulders. Really used his size to freak them out. He stayed until they left. Is he a cop or something?”

Dean raised an eyebrow. “What makes you say that?”

She shrugged. “You can tell these things. The way he walked and talked. He asked how often those guys come in and if I had some sort of security measure behind the counter. That sort of thing.”

“Do you? Have something behind the counter, I mean.”

“Oh yeah. I don’t normally work alone either. It’s just that Billy told me to cover for him.”

“Billy sounds like a dick.” 

Anton scowled. “Billy is the boss’s kid.”

“That makes sense. Listen, did my friend say or ask anything else?”

Some people were waiting to pay for gas and they weren’t being patient about it. Marie shooed Anton towards the register and answered. “Just asked the best route to get where he needed to go.”

Dean felt the beginning of a smile. “And where would that be?”

IV.

Hunter was getting nowhere. The woods yielded no clues and nobody in town had ever seen him before. He went to the library to see if any recent missing persons report came up that sounded like him but anything that wasn’t local required a security clearance. He was pretty sure he didn’t have one. It was tough to tell. The sites looked familiar in an off-hand way.

He stopped by a coffee shop for a vanilla latte. While waiting for his drink, the barista made small talk. “Hey, you’re that guy that is staying with the Avianells, right? The one with the identity crisis or whatever.”

“Amnesia. I’m Hunter. Well, for now, I guess.”

“Okay.” The guy didn’t offer his name and he wasn’t wearing any kind of nametag. “Dot and Will are pretty cool people for taking in a potential psycho.”

Hunter eyed the progress of his beverage. “Ah, I guess. I’m not a psycho, though.”

“How would you know? You got a personality disorder, right?”

“Amnesia.”

“Sure. Speaking of the certifiable, have you heard about the people who went missing from the next town over? Like, four people in a month. That’s weird, right?”

Hunter got his coffee but lingered. Taking a sip before setting it down on the counter, he considered the possibilities of anything malicious that might have been happening. He also wondered why he felt so curious about it and what he could do about it. “Yeah. Where was this?”

“The next town over, like I said. Right on the other side of those woods. You think you knew anything about it before you went nuts? If someone is taking people I hope they don’t slither their way over here. Keep the snakes on the other side of the gate, know what I’m saying?”

“I do not. I request you refrain from discussing this further.” 

“What?” 

Hunter blinked. “You said on the other side of the woods? That’s really weird. Well, thanks.” He picked up his latte and walked out the door.

“What?” That Hunter guy must have had other issues besides his memory. 

V.

Hunter started to head back to the library to check the statistics on disappearances in the surrounding area. He probably should have been going back to the Avianell house to regroup for the search of his identity. This seemed more important, though. It seemed like a high number of missing people. He didn’t know how big the other town was but if it was anything like this one then there was definitely trouble. 

Police probably would be better suited to investigate but Hunter still found his heart racing with possibilities. Mysterious disappearances that were more than likely caused by nefarious means shouldn’t have caused him excitement. 

Maybe the coffee guy was right and he was a psycho. 

He was just about to cross the street when a black car careened to a stop next to the sidewalk. A man threw the door open and made a bee line toward him. Hunter took a step back but the man didn’t seem to notice Hunter’s reluctance to meet him halfway.

“Jesus Christ, Sam, where the hell have you been? You leave the bunker without telling me where you’re going. I get to where you told some random chick you were going and you’re not there either. Is it so hard to stay in one place?” The guy grabbed Hunter’s jacket lapel and gave him a shake. “Give me one good reason not to kick your ass for almost giving me gray hairs.”

Hunter pushed him back a bit to get some breathing room. Somebody had problems with personal space. “Dude, calm down. I don’t even know you.” He didn’t think. “What are you even talking about?”

“Sam, don’t even try to weasel out of this. You sneak out for some hunt that you suddenly ditch, to what, go on a coffee break? You left all your shit back in the motel.”

“Seriously, I don’t think I know you. I woke up in the woods and I wandered here. I’ve been trying to figure things out.” Hunter felt a glimmer of hope. This guy was intense but he seemed genuine. He called him Sam. Was that his name? “How do I know you?”

“I’m your brother, dumbass. You know, Dean?”

“Look, I don’t remember who you are. I’m still not a hundred percent sure if what you’re telling me is true, but if my name is Sam and I’m really your brother then that’s great.”

“Of course you’re really my brother. What kind of question is that?” 

“It’s a legitimate question. As far as I know I’m meeting you for the first time.”

“Well, you’re not. I’m Dean. You’ve known me your whole life. Hell, I practically raised you. Now get in the car and you’ll get your memories back before you know it.” Dean wasn’t sure exactly how that was going to happen but they’d figure it out. There had to be something in the Men of Letters library that would do the trick. Sam was better at researching but Dean wasn’t exactly a slouch at it himself, not when it mattered.

“What do you mean, you raised me? What about our parents?”

Dean groaned. Trust Sam to clue onto the one thing he didn’t want him to. “It’s complicated, okay? Look.” He gestured to the Impala. It sat behind him dark and powerful and as welcoming as pie. “You have to remember Baby.” 

Sam stepped back. “I don’t have to do anything. I want to know who I am badly but not badly enough to go somewhere with someone who, for all I know, is into animal sacrifice or some other crazy shit.”

“Why would you even go there? That’s witches and demons crap.” Dean mentally winced. Not helping.

“Really not helping your case, man. I’m outta here.”

Dean reached out and tried to grab Sam’s arm but he was shrugged off. People in the streets and in the stores were glaring at him. Sam started to jog away. “Wait, damnit. Come on, Sammy!”

Sam paused and looked at Dean. “Don’t call me that.” He turned his back and left. 

VI.

Hunter arrived back at the Avianell house shaken. He wanted to believe Dean but the man claiming to be his brother was too much. Too sure, too grabby, too pushy. Too worried and scared. It seemed like he hadn’t been gone from wherever for long. Hunter, or Sam if that was his actual name, was an adult and fully capable of taking care of himself. Dean looked like he was in full alert panic mode. Something was off about him and it seemed prudent to stay away.

He knocked quickly against the door to the house before opening it. Dot had told him he didn’t have to but this wasn’t his home and it was rude not to at least announce himself. Dot didn’t seem to be around but Will was in the kitchen fixing the sink. It didn’t look like it was going well. “Hello, Hunter. Did Dot find you?” Will popped out from under the sink just as the pipe broke and water gushed out.

Hunter turned the water off and handed Will the plumbing how-to book from the table. “What do you mean?”

Will flipped through the book. “She spotted you with a flashlight in the woods. Don’t know how a flashlight is going to help. The sun’s barely started to go down.”

“I haven’t been in the woods today. I’ve been in town in the library and talking to some strange people. Did she go into the woods?”

“Yes. If it wasn’t you she saw, who was it?”

“I don’t know. Don’t worry. She knows her way around in there, right? I’ll go find her and be back before you finish this.” He patted the sink and grinned.

“Ha ha. I’d like her back sometime this century. Thanks, Hunter.”

Hunter went back out. Dot did know her way around the surrounding area. There was no reason to be concerned and yet he was. He was about to head into the trees when the black car he saw earlier pulled up. Dean climbed out and headed out for him. He had some papers with him.

“Want to explain why you’re determined to be in the middle of nowhere? Especially without any of your research or gear?” Dean was waving the pages like a handful of flags.

Hunter batted Dean’s hands and the papers away from his face. “Stop that. You look ridiculous. I don’t have time for your weirdo theories or demands. I have to go get a friend in the woods.”

“What friend?”

“A woman I’ve been staying with. Her husband said she thought I went in there with a flashlight. She’s fine but I don’t want her wandering around there looking for me all night.” 

“Was it moving? A flashlight light or a light light?” Dean shuffled through the notes in his hand.

“What does that even mean? I don’t know. I guess it was moving.”

Dean showed him one of the pages. Hunter took it and gave it a glance. It was in his own handwriting. “What is this? Some sort of folklore?” It was weird seeing something in his handwriting that he didn’t remember writing but he read it. It was about some kind of phenomenon called will-o’-the-wisp. A ball of light that lured a person to follow it. It would be just out of reach as long as you followed it. If you didn’t, it followed you. The theory on the intent went from benevolent to mischievous to malicious.

“You were hunting it from the other town. The one you were supposed to be in, by the way. Some people had gone missing and you narrowed it down to this. I’m guessing your friend saw one of these and followed it. She could be in danger, but look here.” Dean pointed to a paragraph further down the line. “It says a way to get rid of it. Some place in Guernsey, wherever that is, says to stick a knife in the ground blade up and it’ll go after it.”

“Guernsey is in Britain.” Hunter read it over.

“Guernsey is in England? Doesn’t sound very English.”

“The folklore says these beings show up from all over the world under different names but basically the same thing. And Guernsey is not in England. It’s in Britain.”

“Isn’t that the same thing?”

“Oh my God, Dean.” Hunter stared at Dean. This sort of exchange seemed normal even if the subject did not. Dean’s grin spilt his face. Hunter shook his head. “No, it’s not the same thing. It’s a British Crown dependency.”

“You’d know, geek boy.”

Hunter decided to refrain from calling Dean a jerk; it seemed immature even if it was correct. “Anyway, what does this have to do with Dot? It’s just a legend.”

“No, it’s not. You’d know that if you could remember anything. It says these things can lead people to their doom. You wanna risk it with your friend?” 

It seemed stupid to actually believe something like this, but he sort of did. Either way, he wanted to get in there and find Dot. “Whatever, I’m getting her out of there.”

“I’m going with you.”

“No.”

“Don’t be a moron. I’m following you whether you like it or not.”

“Oh, that’s nice. Don’t ask, just do it. That’s your motto?”

That stung but Dean shrugged. “Do you want to save her or not?”

Hunter did want to get in the woods and bring Dot home. “Fine, but we’re staying in sight of each other at all times.” He didn’t believe any of what Dean was staying but he didn’t want Mr. Insistent sneaking up on him.

“Sounds perfect.”

VII.

They picked their way through the path between the trees. It seemed thicker than when Hunter initially walked out of them. It was setting him on edge.

“What do you think, could these wisp things have caused your memory loss? Like, you were hunting it and it knocked you out or something?”

“Will-o’-the-wisps. No, I don’t think they had anything to do with me because they don’t exist. Please stop talking.”

“You got your knife, right?”

“Why would I have a knife? I’m not gonna stab Dot.”

“Always carry a knife on you! That’s like rule number one! What’s the matter with you? Never mind, I got mine. What were you gonna do if you ran across something that wanted to eat you?”

“Divine intervention.”

“That’s not funny.”

“Neither is your theory with the lights. Wait, look. There she is.” Hunter spotted her wandering a few feet off the path. “Dot! I’m right here.” She didn’t turn her head towards him. She didn’t seem to hear him at all. She continued her own way. “Where is she going?”

Dean pointed to just in front of her. “She’s following the wisp.” Sure enough, there was a small ball of light bouncing along just out of her reach. “Where is it taking her?”

“I don’t know. I don’t believe it.” Hunter and Dean started to run to catch up. “This is crazy.”

“We’ve dealt with crazier. Way crazier.”

“Not making me feel better. Dot! Stop!” There was a pond and she was following the wisp right for it. “She’s going to drown herself! I’ll grab her. You do the thing with the knife.” 

Hunter caught up and took hold of her arms. Even still she struggled to walk forward. Dean pulled out a wicked looking knife and slammed it blade-first into the dirt. The wisp whipped around and dove for the point of blade. Once it hit, it exploded and there was sudden darkness.

Dot gasped and almost fell but Hunter steadied her. She looked startled by Dean but relaxed when she looked up and saw Hunter. “Hunter, there you are. What was that? I thought it was you. I wanted to help but then I couldn’t stop myself.”

Hunter patted her back. “It’s alright, Dot. It’s over now.” He looked at Dean. Dean nodded and scooped up his knife and dusted off the dirt before tucking it back into his jacket. “Let’s get you home.”

He kept his arm over her shoulders the whole way out. He didn’t know what to think. In the heat of the moment the whole thing didn’t seem crazy. That worried him. It should have been impossible, but there it was. If Dean was telling the truth about the wisps then they were really brothers and they’d done this sort of thing before. Perhaps a lot of times. 

At the edge of the woods and the Avianell yard Hunter nudged Dot forward. “Go on and make sure Will hasn’t flooded the house. He was trying to fix the sink. I’ll be right there.”

“Are you sure, Hunter?” She glanced back into the woods.

Dean gave her his best disarming smile. “I’ll keep an eye on him, ma’am.” She looked doubtful but wrapped her arms around herself and headed in. Dean turned to Sam. “So, still think I’m crazy?”

“I guess not. My name is Sam, huh?”

“’Fraid so, kiddo. You ready to head back now?”

“Man, you don’t waste any time, huh? I don’t…I don’t really remember anything. It seems right, in a weird way, but it’s like my memories are being blocked. Do you think that’s normal with memory loss?”

Dean’s face paled. “Blocked? Who knows but I bet we can find something to unblock it. Let’s get home.” He walked double time towards the car.

“I will not go with you.”

Dean turned back. Sam was standing completely still. The look in his eyes told Dean everything. “I should have known. What the hell are you playing at, Zeke? He needed a vacation or something?”

“Sam left to investigate the disappearances. I saw my chance.”

Dean approached slowly. “Chance for what?”

“For myself to start over. I had no idea when I took possession that he would be such a strong vessel. Sam could start over, too. The memories that burdened him were great, Dean. Heavier than any human should have to endure. He would find peace and I could help this planet. Isn’t that what you two have been doing, forsaking yourselves for the good of others?”

“Who do you think you are? That’s my brother. You don’t know him or what we do. I suppose you’re the reason all his weapons and IDs got left behind.”

Gadreel nodded. “I took out anything that had his name or an alias on it to minimize the chance of confusion. I left the paper currency. I understood we would need some sort of payment method.” He said it as though Dean should have been grateful that Gadreel thought of that for Sam.

Dean unclenched his jaw. “There is no ‘we’ that involves you and Sam. You and I had a deal. You heal, he heals and then you scram.”

“That was the plan, but I cannot ignore this opportunity. I can do much good in this body.”

Dean snarled. “Don’t talk about him like that. I trusted you, Zeke.” The angel looked away and Dean’s stomach dropped. “You’re not Ezekiel, are you?”

“No. I have my reasons but that is not my name. I am called Gadreel.” 

Dean was done with bombshells. He was done with secrets. Most of all he was done with not knowing if he was talking to his brother or someone that just looked like him. “Look, whatever your name is, I get that angels lie. I’ve met plenty. But I believed you when you said you’d leave when he was healed. He’s got to be healed enough by now. I’d like my brother back. Now.”

“Believe me now when I say I had every intention of only staying as long as necessary for the both of us. I had only good intentions.”

Another being with ‘good intentions’. The world could drown in them. The world almost did. A few times, actually. Christ. Still, if this guy had any honor at all… “Then make good on them already!”

At the very least, Gadreel looked apologetic. “I fear I cannot. There is much I must do and I need a vessel. The one I had previously would not have held up in my state. It was serviceable but I could not properly heal from the Fall. Your brother, even broken as he was, was still stronger to house my Grace.”

“Okay, first off, the dude you first hijacked was not an it. Second, my brother may be big but he’s not actually a house. You can’t talk and treat them like you’re shopping for real estate.”

“The ends justify the means.”

That gave Dean pause. He’d often thought that himself. He’d thought that whenever he had trouble sleeping knowing that Sam was completely unaware of having an angel riding shotgun. As long as Sammy was still alive then it was okay. It had to be okay. As long as Dean was sure that he was doing the right thing then he could duct tape any issues that came up afterwards. It didn’t matter how it got done as long as Dean still had his little brother.

“Not right now it doesn’t.” Dean never claimed to be fair. “You said you’d leave. So leave.”

“I have to fix my mistakes. A brief moment of blind confidence, of carelessness, cost me everything. I was viewed as a villain, a monster, barely better than Lucifer himself. Everyone I had ever loved turned their backs to me. But I know I can fix it.” Dean’s heart clenched. It was Sam’s voice and for a moment it was Sam’s words. “Sam can help me fix it.” It wasn’t Sam. Gadreel sighed at Dean’s look of hardened resolve. “You don’t understand.”

He did. “I don’t care. I really don’t. You wanna go on some quest of angelic redemption? Awesome. Just find someone else as your plus one. Hell, find some asshole and have him become a better person, too. You’re done here.”

“No! He gave his consent. You cannot just take it away for him and I will not revoke it.” 

“Like hell he gave consent! You tricked him.” Dean let out a breath. “I let you trick him.” He knew it. He knew what he was doing in that hospital but he had been so desperate, so afraid of losing his brother again that he was willing to do anything.

“He said yes.”

“To me. He said yes to me. It was my face and my voice you were using. You did it that way because we knew he’d never say yes to you. He doesn’t know you from jack shit.”

“I’m…unfamiliar with who that is myself.”

“Oh, come on!” Seriously, Dean thought, angels couldn’t really be this clueless. 

Gadreel shook Sam’s head. “Regardless, consent had been given. It was not your decision to give it then and it is most certainly not your decision to take it now.”

“No, you’re right. It never was. It’s Sam’s decision and if you think he’s not listening in deep down despite your best efforts to keep everything hush hush, then you know him less than he knows you.”

“He is not.”

“I’m pretty sure he is. And let me tell you, you’re not the first angel that he got control back from. You might have a leg up on the other guy with the element of surprise but that don’t mean squat. Sammy is one stubbornly independent son of a bitch and he doesn’t meekly follow along for long.”

Gadreel smirked. Dean hated that expression on Sam’s face normally but it just pissed him off when it was someone else making his little brother do it. “Does several months count as ‘not long’?”

“Not when I’ve been stupidly helping you.”

“It was not stupid. It was blind faith. That is good, Dean. That is right.” Gadreel smiled and nodded. He reached out to pat Dean’s shoulder but Dean pulled away. Nevertheless Gadreel was unperturbed. “Humans should believe wholly in a higher power. I am glad that there is still some of Original Man left on this world.”

“Ah, don’t try to sell me on that crap. I haven’t been interested in a long time. I’m done talking to you.” Gadreel was running the show but Dean knew that Sam was aware somehow deep down inside. He looked into those hazel eyes and tried to see past the angel looking out. 

“Sammy, listen to me.” Gadreel shook his head but Dean refused to be deterred. “I messed up, okay? I should have found another way to help you. Hell, maybe I shouldn’t have been so gun-ho about the trials to begin with. Something like that, of course it was going to take something too big to pull off. We should have pulled the plug earlier when you started to get sick. I should have…” 

The words ‘let you die’ got stuck in his throat. He couldn’t mean it even though he knew it was true. “I should have thought about what you wanted and what you didn’t want. I’m sorry and I’m sorry that you gotta fix my mistakes. I know he’s got you under wraps but you can hear me, right? We share a heaven, that’s got to count for something.” Gadreel looked surprised at that. More, he looked worried. “Come on, you’re better than this dick.” 

Gadreel staggered. “What do I do?” That wasn’t Gadreel. It was undeniably Sam.

“Kick him to the curb.”

Sam’s eyes turned a bright white-blue. The light overtook the whole of his eyes and it seemed like it was filling up the whole of his body. His chest puffed up briefly before the burning light exploded. Dean threw his arms over his head and ducked down. It was a lot more of a bang than when the angel first took over in the hospital. 

When the light died away and Dean looked up, it was deathly quiet. Sam was standing but swaying on his feet. Dean slowly stood and took a tentative step forward. “Sammy?”  
Sam exhaled. His eyelids were heavy and he couldn’t hold himself up any more. Dean rushed forward and caught him, sickly reminded of another night when Sam fell and there was nothing Dean could do but hold him. He was not going to let that night repeat itself.

“Sam? Sam, come on. Wake up, damnit. Don’t you do this.”

Sam was still breathing. That was a good sign but his body was too relaxed and unresponsive. He was still breathing but each breath was slow and shallow. “Stop, please, Dean. Let me go.”

Dean’s hands clenched around Sam’s shirt. “Fuck that. I’m not doing that. Don’t ask me to do that. I can’t.”

“You have to. I’m not going to get better. I can’t…You have to let me go.”

“Yes you are. Yes you are. You just have to fight for it. Fight with me, please, Sammy.”

Sam huffed out a laugh. “Fight for what? What’s left? I’m done.”

“No you ain’t. Come on, come on.” Dean grabbed a hold around Sam’s middle and tried to get him to sit up. It wasn’t easy forcing a giant body to do anything it didn’t want to do. “You gotta work with me. I can’t lose you again.”

“You should have let me die in the first place. How could you do that? How could you do something to me you knew I didn’t want?” Sam’s breaths came out faster but weaker. Getting agitated was not helping. “Do you think so little of my feelings you’d let some stranger shove his way in? So what exactly am I fighting for? Because it’s obviously not free will.”

“God, I’m sorry.” Dean tugged Sam towards his shoulder. Sam mumbled about being pissed off against Dean’s shirt but he didn’t pull away. “I know, Sammy. I’m sorry. I know it’s not an excuse, but I just…I went into survival mode, you know? You know when your brain shuts off and you do whatever you have to to survive. Mine’s just mixed up; it does nothing when it’s me. Just you.” This sort of thing was as embarrassing to admit as it got but it would be worth it if it got through. “I got scared. It’s shit for an excuse and shit for a reason but there it is. I get so scared when it’s you.” 

“If you just… let go, you wouldn’t have to worry anymore, okay? It’ll get better. Your life will get better. You’ll get over it.”

“Bullshit. That’s bullshit. I tried that with Lisa before, remember? It didn’t work. It was so far from working. I don’t care what happens, okay? I can’t do it without you.”

Sam huffed again but it wasn’t a laugh. “Yeah, you can. I want this but you gotta let go.”

“Well, I don’t want it! I don’t want you going somewhere without me, okay? I don’t care if that makes me selfish. I don’t care if that makes me pathetic. You’re not going without me, understand? Not again. Wait for me, okay? Just wait until I’m ready and we’ll go together.”

“When?”

Dean had been keeping the tears out of his voice but one escaped down his face. Sam sounded so wistful at the idea of going. So hopeful that the time would be soon. “I don’t know. Later, okay? There’s more we gotta do first, right? Good stuff, like dumb museums and Disneyland and shit. Whatever you want, okay? But you have to stay with me. Can you do that?”

“I don’t know. I don’t even know who I am.”

“What does that even mean? You’re Sam freakin’ Winchester. You’re a total geek. You’re a damn good hunter. You saved the world, man.” 

“From myself. I don’t think that counts.”

“You saved it from dickbag angels who thought they knew how things should go down. But we knew better, right? You knew. You fixed it.”

Sam snorted. “Yeah, right. It got so much better.”

“If it’s all still crap then don’t leave me alone here. I am sorry, you know? Just don’t leave me, okay?”

“I’m still mad at you.”

“I’ll get you back to fighting strength in no time. You can kick my ass as much as you want.”

“Dean?”

“Yeah?” Sam’s voice was soft and unsure. Dean hated hearing it. Sam had always been opinionated and very comfortable in expressing those opinions. Hearing his brother sound broken hurt. He held him tighter.

“Are we really going to Disneyland?”

Dean laughed in Sam’s neck. “Yeah. Yeah, Sammy. We can go to Disneyland if you want.”

“Can we get Mickey Mouse ear hats with our names on them?”

“Don’t push your luck.” 

 

VIII.

It took a while for Sam to get his strength back. During that time Dean told Garth and Sam in no uncertain terms that they were not going on any hunts. When Sam did fully recover, Dean offered Sam his chance to give his older brother a proper beat down. Sam declined but opted to drag Dean to every museum he could think of. Dean would have preferred the first option.

Sam insisted he didn’t really want to go to Disneyland but Dean could tell he actually did. Dean put his foot down on the ears hat but compromised with the ‘First Visit’ pin that Sam stuck on him. He wore it for half a day before it accidentally got thrown away.

Sam liked the Splash Mountain ride but the drop reminded Dean too much of a plane crashing to go again. They bought the photo anyway. Sam heard a lot about the It’s A Small World ride so he figured it was not to be missed. He didn’t realize his error until much too late. It was long and awkward. Dean thought the Teacups ride was alright but Sam thought it was hilarious and couldn’t stop laughing. It was Dean’s favorite and they went on that one more than a few times.

Driving out through the gates, the Impala was laden down with photos and souvenirs. There was a princess mug and journal for Kevin. Garth was getting an Indiana Jones hat; they both decided the whip was a bad idea. They picked Cas up a Mickey Mouse tie for when they saw him next. Sam bought Dean a Muppets Animal t-shirt and a flask with the Magic Castle etched on it. Dean wondered why they sold flasks at all but after standing in some of those lines he got it. Dean presented Sam with a giant Goofy plush doll. It was ridiculously big but Sam secretly loved it.

Dean rolled down his window and stuck his arm out. “Where to next, Sammy?”

Sam shot him a sideways look. “Well, since we’re in California, how about driving up to San Jose?”

“The Winchester House?”

“We got our EMF readers, right?”

Dean laughed and popped AC/DC into the cassette deck. ‘Back in Black’ blared. “That’s my boy!”


End file.
